Category Archives: Success

Don’t be Intimidated by the Attempted Intimidation of Others

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from “If You’re Not Making History, You Are History” by Bob MacDonald

 

Intimidation is a fact of life. It joins death and taxes as one of the few certainties in life. If someone tells you they have never been intimidated by someone or something, they are lying. Like a Stephen King horror story, intimidation comes at us in many forms and faces. As long as intimidation is going to be part of our lives, we might as well learn how to deal with it, resist it, and even use it against the intimidator. The key to doing this is to understand the dynamics of intimidation and the motivation of those who attempt to wield it.

Intimidation comes at us from many quarters, but the typical corporate environment is an out-and-out incubator for intimidation. The use of power, authority, position and status to intimidate workers into compliance is considered to be one of the most effective of management’s bag of coercive tools. Respect for authority, position and status is fine, but using them to intimidate others into submissive acquiescence is quite another thing.

Intimidation in the workplace can be blunt and blatant or it can be subtle and surreptitious. Finding the right approach to neutralizing intimidation may at times seem counterintuitive, but it is important to do so. Knowing how to react to what, in essence, is bullying will go a long way toward determining just who or what will control our lives and careers.

The basis of intimidation is fear. The natural inclination to workplace intimidation is to be cowed and fearful, but that is the wrong reaction because it fails to differentiate between real fear and the feeling of fear created by intimidation. Fear is a natural and primordial reaction that is intended to warn us that the threat of bodily injury is imminent. Intimidation, on the other hand, is a tactic used by a weak bully-manager to create an artificial aura of fear that something bad might happen. When we understand that, we are much better positioned to confront intimidation.

There is another reason why war should be declared on office intimidation. When intimidation is used as a tool of management it is counterproductive and destructive. Intimidation cowers the employee in a way that limits their ability to act independently, resulting in wasted time, talent and creative opportunity. The idea that you can command people to do things because they’re afraid of you makes the use of intimidation a pretty tempting commodity for the weak and insecure manager. However, this approach is the antithesis of effective leadership and detrimental to any hope of achieving success.

Those who suffer from the application of workplace intimidation become overly fearful of offering their ideas or sharing their concern. (Ever had that feeling?) They are wary of taking the initiative and, accordingly, their doubts become self-fulfilling. Even worse, those who succumb to intimidation become little more than frustrated drones, mindlessly carrying out a sort of genetic blueprint drawn by the intimidating figure from on high. It is sad to see how many people suffer through their career intimidated by the bullying of others. It causes them to fear any attempt to do what they dream to do; and instead are forced to play by the rules of others.

When it comes time to face the demons of intimidation – and it will happen – you will be well served by recognizing intimidation for what it is and by exhibiting a confidence that will never allow it to consume you. This may seem to be difficult, but it is the only way to avoid the feeling of being chained to an oar of a slave-galley; otherwise known as the corporate world.

Fighting Intimidation with Intimidation

So the first step to dealing with intimidation in the workplace is to recognize that it is thrust upon us from a sense of insecurity and weakness, rather than confidence and strength. Once we recognize the purpose of intimidation, we are well on our way to thwarting its impact. This understanding gives us the power to rise above the situation and turn it against the intimidator. This is the embodiment of the old saying, “Fight fire with fire!” That is, creating a “back-draft” that turns the intimidation back on the intimidator.

The person who consciously uses intimidation in an effort to gain control is like the schoolyard bully. They will keep pushing so long as they believe they can get away with it. On the other hand, as soon as the intimidator realizes you will not be intimidated, then the whole relationship will change. You may be thinking that challenging the intimidator is easy to say, but that it is Pollyanna thinking and not realistic in the real world. It is true that standing up to the intimidator may, in and of itself, be intimidating and career-threatening, but as long as we hold to this attitude we are, in effect, validating the power of intimidation.

There is a revealing scene in the movie Zero Dark Thirty when Maya (Jessica Chastain), who is a junior member of a team of CIA operatives, charged with finding Osama bin Laden, stands up to her boss. Constantly intimidated by reminders of her low position on the team, lack of experience, the power of the system and a “station chief” more concerned with his resume and fear of failure than accomplishing the objective, Maya finally takes a stand. Using his insecurities and ambitions against him, Maya reflects the intimidation back at her boss, and he backs down. From that time forward Maya is treated with respect and her ideas are taken seriously, ultimately resulting in finally tracking down OBL.

At the very least, understanding intimidation and the motivation for some to use it will enable us to better deal with it. But we can actually do more than that. We can use the understanding of motivation to intimidate the intimidator; exorcising it from our lives and allowing us the freedom to achieve all that we have the potential to achieve.

And the moral of the story …

Trust me, I know intimidation sucks and it is often difficult to confront. It creates an artificial feeling of fear that inhibits its victims from performing to their potential. But intimidation is a cold fact of life – especially in the workplace – that can only be conquered when confronted. The way to neutralize the impact of intimidation is to understand it and recognize why it is being used. When we identify intimidation as a desperate tactic of a weak and insecure manager, it loses its fearsome influence and can, in fact, be used against the intimidator to nullify it.

When we conjure up the vision of the business intimidator as nothing more than a schoolyard bully and comprehend that the only way to stop them is to stand up to them, we will have discovered the only antidote to intimidation.

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Be Surprised if You Win the Lottery, but Not by Your Success.

from “If You’re Not Making History, You Are History” by Bob MacDonald

If success surprises you, it means you were not in control of the outcome.

There were a lot of people surprised by my personal success and the success of the company – LifeUSA – that I helped bring into being, but I was not one of them.

After flunking out of college I was able (but only barely) to find a job selling life insurance door-to-door. Few could have foretold a successful career path for me, but I could.

From the very start of my career I began to collect and put aside one of every personal business card depicting my climb to the top of the business-ladder. I did this because I visualized a time when those cards would be framed and hanging on the wall in my top-floor executive office.

And that happened 15 years later when I became president and CEO of ITT Life Insurance Company. I mention this, not as some ego trip, but as validation that at least I was not surprised by my success; for me it was anticipated and expected. This confidence in my ultimate success motivated me to chart a winning course and do the things that would make the vision of those cards hanging in my office become a reality.

In 1987, when we were forming LifeUSA, the virtually universal reaction from those outside our group was that because the insurance industry was dominated by huge companies, it would be impossible for a new, start-up company to compete and be successful. My response to anyone who would listen was, “In five years, LifeUSA will be a national company competing effectively against the very largest companies.” Not many believed that, but I did.

Five years later, when LifeUSA was a national company competing effectively against the very largest companies, people constantly came up to me and asked, “Aren’t you surprised by the success of LifeUSA?” My response was always the same, “No! My only surprise is that it did not happen sooner.”

To some, this response may have seemed arrogant, but only because most people are surprised and think it must be an accident when others are successful. Isn’t it interesting that most people are not surprised when they witness or experience failure? And yet when they see success, they assume those who attained it must have been just lucky or at least surprised by it, because they would certainly be.

But have you also noticed that often those who are the most successful are the ones least surprised by their success? That’s because they planned and worked hard for their success. It’s fine to be surprised if you win the lottery, because you have no control over the outcome; if you win it is a random happening that is not likely to be repeated. However, if you are surprised by success it means that you were not in control of your success and it becomes a random happening that is unlikely to be sustained.

The point here is that when you prepare for success – rather than just hope for it – you are more likely to achieve it and when you do, you are not surprised. Nor should you be.

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